I’m in a pretty good mood now, Loyal Blog Readers (and Hopefully Lovers).
This the season of the August Bank Holiday Weekend, which means NO WORK ON MONDAY! Hurrah!
Friday was uneventful, bar some terrifying glaring by Me at Actual Christopher (whenever he wasn’t looking at me ….when he was looking in my general direction I assumed an air of quiet dignity and non-caring-ness).
Yesterday, Tim and I decided to throw on our finery and battle our way into town for some excellent cake in Brambles Cafe.
Now I’ve told you before that I met Tim when we were working in the Temple Bar Theatre Festival back in the days of our youth, but what I didn’t tell you was that I was ever-so-kinda-completely in love with him (obviously I didn’t KNOW he was gay at the time …nowadays, since he came out of the tinsel-lined closet, there isn’t a person in the WORLD oblivious to that fact).
During that time there was another girl, who we’ll call ……R …..em …..Bachel (hehe, Master of Disguise!) who was also in love with Tim (he was a female heartbreaker) and who was much prettier and flirtier and socialier and chattier than moi, and so, gladly made me feel like hideous poo everytimeI was in her presence. Anddon’t think I’d be allowed talk to or standnear Tim if she was around.
I like to think that I won in the end considering I got to live with the lovely (if now Gay-as-a-Judy-Garland-movie-on-ice) Tim, but I don’t like to brag.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is that Bachel equals My Enemy.
So we’re sitting on the bus into town and as our conversation lulled for a second, the bus pulled up to a stop and who gets on but Bachel.
For fricksake!!! I was havinga GOOD day!!! Damn my stupid hair! Hers looks amazing and Loreal-commercial-like!
But anyway I was like, Well she looks kinda different now so I’m going to be the bigger person and pretend I don’t see her. Plus Tim looks oblivious so I know he either hasn’t seen her or doesn’t recognise her …we’ll totally get away with this! And it’s not like she’ll say anything if we’re not acknowledging her…
I was so wrong.
Tim looks up clueless.
“Oh my Gaaaaawd, Tim!!!”
Tim looks confused and looks at me as if she was saying “Charlotte!?” in that idiotic way and not “Tim!?”.
“Tim, it’s me!!!”
We look at each other and I mirror his baffled look.
“Omg TIM! You don’t recognise me???? Ha ha ha ha ha, OMG!!” *Flicks hair* Alsoshe’s currently standing in the MIDDLE of the bus aisle so no one can get by!
“Omg Tim, look at you! Ha ha ha, Oh Tim it’s Bachel!!”
Tim looks at me again, silently asking for help.
Oh God, it’s just getting painful now and everyone’s looking at us. I give in: “Bachel from the Theatre Festival?”
She looks me up and down, trying to figure out why I’d dare speak to her.
“Yeah. Oh Tim, ha ha, I can’t believe you didn’t recognise me!!!!”
That bitch! She TOTALLY knows who I am!
She comes down the back of the bus where we’re sitting: what is WRONG with her!? Who does that!!? The polite social thing to do is to ignore anyone you only kinda know if they’re not even LOOKING at you! You don’t accost them and force them to tolerate you!!
Tim has his foot up on the seat across from us and hasn’t moved it, so she puts her hand on his leg, playfully pushes it over and sits down across from him.
“Oh God, Tim, it’s sooo weird to see you here!!!! I only text you the other day!!!! Oh my God, Tim, I can’t believe you didn’t know who I was!!!” She giggles like a horse, flicks her hair and throws me a smug look.
Now I know Tim is gay, and I know I should never be jealous of a girl who is flirting with my gay boy friend, BUT you know, I just automatically reverted to those Theatre Festival days where Tim pretended he was straight, we all loved him and she constantly competed with me and outshone me in front of the man I loved! So I was currently fuming at the fact that she’s suspected there may be something going on between us (cos judging by her hair-flicking and top-line-lowering she hasn’t copped he’s batting for another team now!) and is currently STILL FLIRTING WITH HIM! What happened to female loyalty ….or at least non-skank-osity!?
Oh and I already happened to know she had text him during the week looking for the mobile number of one of our old managers. I also happened to know that he DIDN’T BOTHER REPLYING! So while she thought she was making me all jealous, I was actually like Ha ha ha, he didn’t even text you back and he texts me back ALL THE TIME!
Yes I know I’m slightly crazy, but this is a small and rare victory for me and I’m going to make the most of it!
So Tim is all shoulder-shrugging and couple-of-words-replying and whatevering (God, I love him!lol!) and then she looks at me and goes “Oh hi, it’s …Charlotte …isn’t it?”
“Hmmmm” I reply, all Like-You’re-Even-Important-Enough-For-Me-To-Care-You-Rememeber-My-Name-ish. I know it totally bothered her ….on the inside.
But, oh God the journey was unbearable …she wouldn’t shut up …always talking about herself, of course! And it turned out we were getting off at the same stop in town! But in this genius Shining-Type moment, Tim and I stayed sitting when she stood up and we waited until the next stop to get off.
As we walked towards our cake, Tim said “She’s turning into a bit of a fatty, isn’t she? Although it does make her boobs look even bigger!”
“Well, we’ve all added a few pounds since those high-metabolism days of out youth,” I said, sighing dramatically, and placing my hand against my forehead in manner of great stage actress of the 1920s. “Well except you,” I added, poking his well-toned tummy.
“And you, you attention seeker!” he said, poking me back. “You’re just as skinny as the day I met you!!”
I linked him happily! Yes, I know he was just being lovely, but I didn’t care! He was nice to me and not to her, and as I’m the closest another woman will ever be to him, I totally kicked the bitch’s ass!!!
One point to Me (and therefore all Normal Womankind) and zero to Her (and therefore All the Hot’n’Sexy Man-Stealing Wenches)!
There’s hope for us yet!